birthing my first shamanic drum

over the weekend, I took part in a retreat and creating a frame drum. using a deer skin and a frame made from Silky Oak.

after settling in to our dormitory style rooms, we sat and talked over a bowl of delicious vegetable soup and fresh bread. and then we began the process on Friday night of choosing a hide..

it was a very solemn moment, touching the hide of an animal that once lived.. humbling. The hide seemed to me to be alive in a different way.
The frame made of silky oak also had a vibration to it.. and as I sat there and bonded, I was in awe of what I was about to do.

after cutting out a circle from the skin ,we soaked it in a bucket of warm water, massaging it for awhile and then leaving it to soak overnight, to soften so that we could work with it.

The weather was bitterly cold overnight. lots of doonas and bed socks kept Jack Frost at bay.. early breakfast and then back to our retreat room to continue the process.

massaging the skin some more and then choosing our handle for the drum..

cutting it to size and sanding it down, gluing it into the drum, cutting out a piece of leather for the handle.. a process that took quite some time. I chose green.. I wanted mine to have a Celtic feel to it. Then we had to put the skin onto the frame with a method of sewing and weaving, pulling it tight over the frame.. my drum began to take shape.

after our skin had dried a little, we began to nail along the edge of the frame and then it was left to dry.
Saturday was intense, busy, full of powerful emotions and thoughts as we worked quietly, side by side. 5 women in unison, doing something we and our ancestors had done many times previously. it seemed so natural.
Saturday night, another delicious dinner and sitting chatting to women.. it was bliss and I felt so connected.. through the simple art of making a drum.. well, not so simple.. but yes.. simple.
Sunday was still a full day..
first thing after breakfast, we wrote an intention for our drum.. and shared in circle.. then we started to trim our drums.. and made the drum beater.
once they were finished, we had half an hour of standing in circle, drumming together.. these 4 women plus the teacher and myself.. creating a bond that may never be broken. it was an emotional weekend. but soul satisfying. so soul satisfying.

my blessing and intention for my drum

Silky Oak - Goddess

you stood so tall and majestic, full of strength, wisdom and resilience

I ask that you continue to stand strong with me, infusing me with your wisdom and strength, when I play this Sacred Instrument.

Sacred Stag

I see you among the firs, standing majestically, in complete one-ness with Gaia.

I ask that you infuse me with this majesty and One-ness with Gaia when I play this Sacred drum

Goddess & God of the Drum

May I become one with you, when I play this, my sacred drum.

created by the three of us.

the Holy Trinity of our Sacred Drum

Blessed Be.

a week ending in a retreat of sorts

May 13
I go down to stand in my stone circle and I close my eyes and say my blessing. Asking Cerridwen and Mary Magdalene to be with me this day.
When I open my eyes I realize that when I am in this circle I really am in a different dimension, because while I had my eyes closed it was as if all the outside world had disappeared for a few moments. This thought strengthens me.
There is an emptiness within and I know it is my solar plexus / I sit and try to get in touch with this emotion of loss and sadness and a voice within says to go with it to allow it and to welcome it
My wisdom tells me that this is an exciting time and that I am never alone
Not to rush to fill this emptiness but to sit with it, this is a hard lesson for me..

May 15
I can feel that winter is coming, the wind is icy and when I look at my garden, I can see the plants are slowing down even more. Even though the lavender is still blooming profusely and there are signs of new growth in the calendula self seeding, the overall energy is one of resting.
The wind whips up during the day and grabs a lot of silver birch leaves scattering them high, making the leaves look like a charm of finches. Clouds scud across the sky over the valley
When I go up the street I notice chickweed growing and note to myself that I can use some to make an herbal vinegar, time to harvest it now.
I also make a note that I must find some violet plants to grow so that I can make violet tincture.
Winter seems to have arrived. A perfect day to have our wood fire burning. Sitting in front of it, gazing into the flames could almost be like scrying

May 16
The wind blew all night and this morning I wondered how long I can continue to stand under my apple tree in the morning. It is probably time for me to create a portable stone circle in my Sacred space inside. I will use the stones gathered in Cornwall.

I am beginning to feel Cerridwen as a real guide or friend in my day. Still connecting but it is getting stronger.
It is cold and windy and I must create a protective barrier around my citrus so that the cold doesn't affect them. Somehow, build a plastic barrier to keep this cold wind out and the heat in.. growing citrus here in Katoomba is not as easy as it was in Woodford. But I am determined!
On my way to the station I see clover growing and I stop to pick a flower to press. Remembering to ask and say thankyou
It reminded me of when I was a little girl making daisy chains for my hair. Usually alone amongst the clover faeries. Even a solitary back then.

Shamanic class tonight, we are studying the chakras at the moment and tonight was our sacral chakra.. in my journey, I was told to eat oranges and to buy myself a piece of orange calcite as my sacral chakra stone and also to use sweet orange oil in a massage blend or oil burner. I am loving how my guides are so specific. My power animal is snake.. but last night a bat flew into my  journey, ahead of me preparing the way..

May 17
it is cold. going down in the morning to say my prayers, it was icy and the wind was gale force. I think this is the last time that I will venture outside this early in the morning. As much as I love standing in my circle.. I do have to be sensible.
I have a lovely nurturing, grounding beef casserole cooking.. root vegetables good for the base chakra.. I am off to a frame drum making workshop/retreat tonight for the weekend and I am taking this delicious casserole as my offering...
after lunch, we go to the hardware store and buy the plastic for the orange tree

hopefully this will work and create some kind of hot home for our juvenile orange tree.

I am really looking forward to the workshop as I want to drum to send  healing.. yesterday as I was walking, I understood in my heart, that my mission [or one of them] is to help the vibration of Katoomba. There is something very odd here at the moment.. and unloved energy.. and I know I can help.

the orange tree was planted last year - this year it has 3 oranges on it. I really hope they ripen in their microclimate. nothing like oranges freshly picked off the tree.

coming of the New Moon

May 8
I can feel the Dark Moon today, really feel it. So I decide to do a ritual of release.. I drive to Katoomba Falls to find some eucalyptus leaves. I want to write all those things on these leaves, that no longer serve my highest good. I light some incense and close my eyes. I can hear a distant jet, laughter from tourists on the Scenic Skyway. Birds twittering, then the raucous call of the wattle bird. I can hear water, cascading down over the falls and at times, the wind in the trees. This is my world. It is beautiful.
I sit and meditate for a short time, breathing in peace and breathing out love. I walk to sunnier spot and gather some leaves and then sit in the sun, writing on each leaf..

when I have finished, I sit and enjoy the sun while eating a mandarin. Orange fruit to heal the Sacral chakra.
I begin my walk back to the car, noticing that some of the huge eucalypts are shedding their bark in long strands.

I think this bark would be brilliant to try and make a basket of some kind. I really would love to meet some women who would like to share crafts like this. basket weaving and wand making.

When I get home, I gather bits to take into my stone circle to do the ritual. And I step within the circle and call in the elements.. water [healing, cleansing water. Fire [nurturing, warming, burning of dross]. Earth [holding, supporting, grounding]. Air [breath of fresh air, blowing away cobwebs].. I then called in Spirit.
Sitting in the middle, I light a candle, then some charcoal and put a few leaves in to help it burn.. adding frankincense.. I took my gathered eucalypt leaves and one by one, I read the words and placed them in the fire... the smoke from the frankincense wafted over me and I placed my wand in the smoke.. asking it to be blessed.. I gathered some of the wafting smoke and pulled it into my sacral area.. asking for it to be filled with healing fire. I then read words of releasement and blessing.
I ask that the warmth and nurturing energy of fire,
fill this cleansed space within me. Fill with the virtues of love, joy and kindness.
I ask that Fire bless my path and light my way.
I ask that Fire help me to remember that I am worthy.
I ask that this is so
In all directions, past, present and future
And so it is
I thank the Universe and all beings of light
For the gift of Fire
Within and without
Blessed Be

I sat for a few more moments then stood to close my circle. Thanking each element and asking it to continue to support me as I journey along this path.
I took the candle inside and placed it on my altar with my wand to continue this ritual for the month of May.

May 9
I woke this morning feeling drained after a night seemingly spent calling and searching for Cerridwen in my dreams.
I walked down to say my blessings. And stood on the damp grass in my circle as I closed my eyes and spoke the words one of my hens started to cackle loudly. I opened my eyes to see if there was a snake or dog near but no. Then I remembered that I had asked Cerridwen for a sign that she was near.. And hens are one of her animals so I am sure this was confirmation that she is with me and is happy to take me under her guidance.. the hen continued to carry on for quite some time.

I feel like my whole inner belief system is crumbling down around me and I don't know what I am but I realize that I have too many labels stuck on myself. Witch, catholic etc
And the struggle with this is enormous. So I am trying to let go of all labels and just accepting that I am a spiritual being.
Last night I cast a small circle in my sacred space, using the stones that I bought back from Cornwall, and asked Cerridwen to come to me and I guess she has.., by shaking up my belief 'system' making me question what it is I truly believe to be true for myself. And I must admit Christianity is not what I desire.
The tradition and ritual of the church is something I absolute adore and the saints but modern Christianity is not me. Nor is the radical goddess movement, which is exactly like the church except they are all women. Hierarchy in both. Something I rebel against deep within
I am a gentle soul who needs ritual and connection to nature and earth, moon and yes stars. I want to talk to the plants like I did when I was a child. I wish to rediscover that magick that I had all those years ago.
However, I need contemplation as well. And I love the whole aspect of being a monk in the world.
So many times during my days, it is like I live in an altered world. I see myself in a garden harvesting herbs and tending plants. I know that I am what was once known as a village wise woman and I really wish that I could find a way in this life to do that. I am thinking of studying herbalism next year.
And I know that I must follow my heart in all of this, so that I will be satisfied and content with who I am. It may seem a constant struggle.. I guess it is in a way.. but this is how I am.. I search, come to a place of settling, then after awhile I begin to search again, all the time learning.

May 10
A beautiful day dawned and I was up early. As I went outside I could feel the calm of the new moon
Not a stir. No raucous white cockatoos. Just one lone black cockatoo flew overhead
As I stood under the apple tree, with arms open, leaves gently fell around me, landing gently at my feet. This day has a blessedness about it. Like the moon is saying that the dark time has gone now, the light will begin to shine once again.
A heavy dew and I love how water droplets hang on bare branches, looking like small crystals as the sun shines through. such magick!

I went to Katoomba Falls today for the eclipse and to dedicate myself to my hedgewitch path.
I stood for a time, looking out over the valley and then I anointed myself with sacred oils.. saying that I committed my whole self to this path of being a hedgewitch.. the path of my ancestors. I asked that Cerridwen be with me over the coming year, to guide me as I walk my path. it was just a simple thing to do, but meant alot to me.
I sat on the rock and pulled earth energy into my base chakra. I closed my eyes and breathed in.
At the moment of eclipse it was like the sun burst into brilliance, really shining brightly and at that moment the wind came up and I could hear the water falls. I was at one with each element, all at the same time. Blessed be
A Cockatoo flew over to herald the eclipse. What a magickal moment on my journey.

later that morning, I joined the Interfaith Group, to take a walk in what is known as The Gully. A sacred place to the Aboriginal people here in the mountains. A beautiful peaceful place where once they lived in community with the white people. as one. as it should and must be. The place has a sad story though.. it was taken by the council in the 1950's and made into a race track for the elite.. and the people were pushed from their place. Now it is dedicated to all who lived there and is being replanted as it once was. I have found a place to go and be when I need. I felt welcomed to this land.
after our walk, we went to visit a Koori elder - Aunty Lyn.. who had lived there as a child.. she told us of her life and times there. a beautiful woman who actually reminded me a little of my grandmother. This is where my family search will take me next. To my great. great grandmother Katherine Flannery from Redfern.
and so  my day ended.. the New Moon has come and all is well in my world.

May 11
early morning and I sat watching the currawongs..I noticed one had a red berry in its beak and the thought occurred to me that it could be a raspberry, so I quickly went outside and netted my raspberry canes. this is the first time I have grown them and there are only a few berries on the plant. I don't wish to share.

In the afternoon, I went to a Sacred Anointing night with friends.. such a beautiful night, washing feet and anointing with sacred oils. This is something I am going to do here in Katoomba... eventually

May 12
Mothers Day. A day where I chose to dedicate myself to Cerridwen.. but as it turned out, I ended up doing a dedication to Mary Magdalene in the morning, anointing myself with spikenard and then later in the day.. I went down into my stone circle and asked Cerridwen to be my mentor and guide as I walk my path.
I feel as if I am still going into the depths of Samhain. The leaves continue to fall around me each morning under the apple tree, it won’t be long until the branches are bare and I can feel the earth going inwards. The energy though, is alot lighter, joyous even since the dark moon has passed.
At times I feel a sense of urgency with my journey but a voice within tells me to take a breath and allow my path to unfold. I have so much I wish to share with others but a thread of trepidation holds me back., I must trust the process and allow it to just happen as it will

We drove to Sophie’s place for brunch. On the way, I stopped off and bought myself a pendant of fire agate, a stone for Cerridwen. then continued on to brunch.
A delicious meal – created by my youngest daughter. Table set beautifully and with much thought.

we had chia porridge with fresh fruit and yoghurt, spelt pancakes with banana icecream, egg and bacon panini and then a delicious raw food cacao tart. a special day. with gratitude.

the beginning of May ~ reflections of the Dark Moon

this month in the online study workshop, we are focusing on the element of fire..

May 2
It is quite cool outside so I really hope that this is a beginning of winter

Last night I went to a brilliant Samhain ritual and walked a labyrinth at the college where I study Shamanic healing. I woke feeling flat and empty and I don't know why but there was alot of energy moved so maybe it is all just readjusting. In the meditation last night, Hekate met me at the crossroads and gave me a lantern.. as I was stepping over a threshold, a wolf came to my side to accompany me on my journey.
I am healing so much ancestral stuff that is why I feel overwhelmed at times. I need to sit and talk to them. They are so grateful for what I am doing to heal the ancestral line, I carry their tears of persecution and I must release and what a perfect time to release the past.. Samhain & Dark Moon

May 3
I decide to change back to my preferred oils of sandalwood and spikenard for anointing. I love spikenard. I use this on my brow charka and my throat and I put sandalwood on the back of my neck. These oils suit my soul much more than the lavender as they hark back to many past lives.
I go to my Benedictine group and as I sit in the garden for our reflective time, the wind whips up and the remaining leaves on the trees, rattle, sounding very similar to the sound of a shamanic rattle.
Later that night, as we head towards the true moment of Samhain, I feel empty, melancholy, lonely even. The wind whips around outside as I sit and journal. This season is certainly bringing up alot of things to be healed and let go of. I ponder of letting go of sadness and melancholy [not sure how to do that though, as it is part of my very soul].. but I realize these emotions are actually part of the healing process and it is ok to feel them, actually it is very important to allow myself to feel them.

May 4
Cool windy morning and as I walked towards my apple tree I saw a carpet of leaves where I stand each morning to say my blessings and prayers.
Although I honoured Samhain on the traditional date, my observances of this cross quarter/sabbat continues and tomorrow is the true moment ( this Year). I see that the weather is indeed leaning more towards Samhain, cool, fresh and windy with leaves falling. I like it.
Joe and I went to springwood cemetery to put some pebbles on his mums’ grave and I spent some time gathering kindling for our fire. This is something I use to do often in past years and I think I will take up that task again, wandering, gathering sticks in perfect peace, and contemplating. It became a meditative walk.
We also went to Springwood hospital fete where I bought some chicory, aloe Vera and Agave plants.

today, I started my sacred circle. I chose a space under the apple tree because this is where I go every morning to greet the day, say my blessings and ask for guidance. It is near to my chooks and hidden from my neighbour Billie.. as nice as she is, I don’t want her peering at me when I create ritual or say my prayers.

We went to our local landscape place and bought the 4 large stones for the element directions and I walked the circle out and used my pendulum to decided which rock went where.

I am one who needs to ‘feel’ where the elements are placed and although my directions aren’t the same as most, this is what I do:

North - summer – fire – summer solstice
Lammas
West - earth – autumn – autumn equinox - Mabon
Samhain
South - winter – wind – winter solstice
Imbolc
East - water – spring – spring equinox – Ostara
Beltane

North of where I live, is the heat.. and from the South come our southerly winds, East is of course the Pacific Ocean and in the West we have this wide brown land, stretching what seems forever.
I am still in the process at the moment of working out what I will use to represent each element.

I have been lighting a candle each night and leaving it to burn in my bedroom, the flickering at first was disturbing, but now I am finding it quite comforting. I visualize all that is not needed being burned away overnight.

May 5
at the beginning of this month, I had a panic attack because I wasn't sure how I could embrace the months assignment [from my online course], as much as I had in April but once I started to create my stone circle and find things to decorate, I felt my passion and peace return.

I had some shells that I had gathered at the beach over the years and I created a wreath to represent the element of water & I also hung an old china cup in the tree

and peace flags for air.. and various other bits..

Plus I am re connecting with my wand that I made many years ago from the ancient apple tree at Inglewood. It is a piece of my life that will always be close to my heart.
Before lunch, we drove to the landscape place again and bought the rest of the stones for my circle.

 Joe and I sat out in the sun eating our lunch.
Just a simple cheese sandwich and a piece of fruit with a cup of tea to finish off. As we ate, a cacophony of cockatoos flew over screeching loudly..

We then decided to move the birdbath before we walked to the shops to buy some sweet potato for our Samhain dinner. We went for a long walk on the way to the shops, up hills and down lane ways.. a long detour, to look at our neighbouring streets and to see what others gardens were like. It is a beautiful time of year here in Katoomba.. and I can really feel the energy slowing down.. resting.. the gardens are gorgeous too.. with lots of seed heads left over from summer, to self seed next spring. Delightful!
I cooked a slow roast lamb for dinner and I really wanted to share it with others so I called some friends and I took the roast plus sweet potato dish, to their home. They cooked roast vegies and we had a meal together. Laughing and chatting about our aging selves.. planning trips to France and England.. hopefully, oneday those plans will come to fruition

May 6
I woke during the night feeling empty, lonely and lost and I wonder if it is the energy of the fire burning away what is no longer needed, leaving a void as it does for a short time. The Dark Moon always has an effect on me.. and I am also writing alot about my cancer 13 years ago.. it is carthartic and I hope to publish the story oneday.

May 7
Early morning mist and drizzle. I stand in my newly created stone circle, under the apple tree an I open my arms and greet the day. I stand for a moment or two, eyes closed and observe. Drops of water drip gently off the leaves and I feel a stillness. A quiet and I feel the Moon coming towards her darkness, slowing down. My whole self feels still and calm. I love this moment. I walk inside and 3 crows fly overhead.. maybe to remind me that I have help when I need it.
We go for a walk after dinner and I notice a strong, quiet resting presence. This Dark Moon must be a very strong one.. no human noise, nothing. Just quiet. I am planning on working with the Moon.. letting go...

Samhain for me.

There are two dates to celebrate Samhain.. the traditional one which is April 30 or the actual moment which is different every year and is worked out by the sun's path, I think..
.. I tend to go for the traditional one as tradition resonates with me.. my life is steeped in tradition, whether it is this hedgewitch path or my catholic one.. I love the tradition of both and I do believe that all of this harks back to past lives.

I wake to a cloudy day, wondering if it would rain. My plan today is to visit Laura and Williams graves in Rookwood, an old cemetery near Sydney. I plan on taking the last apple off my tree and sharing it with them.

Before I leave I set my Samhain altar, sweep my front step and wash it down with a mix of salt cinnamon and lemon oil., I then set the candles that will be lit tonight.
I chose a crystal for this season, my plan is to choose a crystal each Sabbat and in a year I will have a collection, my own portable wheel of the year. I chose jet for Samhain, I took it and cleansed it and then programmed it with intention of helping me to let go of that which no longer serves my highest good.

I gather a bunch of flowers.. and the last apple from my tree & a stone I found on Perranuthnoe beach in Cornwall.

Arriving at Rookwood, I stood in awe of the magick of the old part of the cemetery. We drove down to the Naval section

 and there were all the graves, set out in rows, in a perfect lawn.
 I see crows over in a corner, under the shade of a beautiful conifer.

 They were sitting on top of a headstone, calling.. and of course, I feel drawn to wander over to take photos and look at the grave that the crow was sitting on and was taken aback that it was Williams'.
The crows had led me to the grave of my great grandfather!..I didn’t have to search. I placed a small posy of flowers and stood, thinking for awhile and then off to find Laura, who apparently is near William somewhere, not in the naval section but close by. She couldn't be buried in with him, so when he died, she bought the closest plot near to him, that she could.

I find her almost immediately and I stand and look at her grave..there is an urn for flowers, so I place my small, humble bunch

 – in memory of the woman who made the trek to Australia. And stayed here after her husband died. With her children. The youngest being my Pa who was about 7.

Joe left me be, to wander ..

 and I sat on the side of the grave, cutting the apple in two and sharing it with her.. as I ate my apple, I told her of my hopes and dreams, of my trip to Cornwall and of my own struggles within.. of my shadows and fears.. and I felt her comfort me and I felt that she will be with me everyday, guiding me.. and I asked her to be with me to make sure. It was emotional to be there, I felt tears springing to my eyes.. they fell silently down my cheeks.. to be here with the woman I had researched and traced in Cornwall. My great grandmother. But so peaceful and I felt such a connection to this woman who I had never met. [to tell the truth, sitting beside that grave, I felt at home.. as if I truly belonged there, it was like her arms were wrapping around me, comforting me.]

I read a blessing to her..

and then I walked back to Williams grave & read to him as well.. asking him to give me his strength and courage to take my through the rest of my life.. I asked them both to help me with my own Cornish inner wisdom. And I thanked them again..

I left a stone from Tintagel on Laura's grave and as I placed it I thought that where as my backyard is the beautiful blue mts, Laura's as a child was places such as Tintagel, Perranuthanoe and lands End. Did she scamper up the rocks from Merlins Cave, did she wander the moors? Cornwall is just not a place of far away memories, it is a place where this woman, my great grand mother lived, walked and played

I took a short video of my wanderings in Rookwood... I hope you enjoy these reflections

[click here to watch] A day in Rookwood

The Morrigan - the doll I created to honour this Goddess that has taken me under Her wing for those times I need the battle warrior.