Yuletide, towards winter solstice

the dutch medlar is fruiting. I taste one.. a taste similar to a tart apple. I think this is more ornamental, although next year when I am organised, I might try stewing them. they are difficult to peel though, so maybe a kind of jelly would be better.

June 11
Winter Magick is coming up soon here in Katoomba. A day of parades, market stalls and celebration. I find myself excited about the approaching Solstice. A time where I will create a wreath for my door and find a log for my Yule Log ritual. Living here in Katoomba, really lends itself to winter with our cold winter days and the Winter Magick Festival. An excitement is building and I wonder if it is a deep connection to my ancestors anticipation of the returning of the Sun...

June 12
It rained today. And in the afternoon the sun came out, bathing my garden in that light of late winter, shining. I noticed the rose hips and seed heads of the Echinacea. The raked leaves on the garden were wet, creating a lovely mulch. A delicious time of  year.. [did I say that before?] A load of wood was delivered today, and I help Joe stack it in readiness for use.

June 13
I am reading that our ancestors followed signs in the garden. [ie first snowdrop blooming for Imbolc..] mine are already blooming! a tad early though.

June 14
It sleeted this morning. Fleetingly. I sat in a little cafe, warm chai in hand, watching the sleet, swirl down.. and the excitement of snow, maybe..
 The snow clouds hung low in the sky.. but no snow. Winter is truly here.

This morning, the council did the tree trimming around the power poles and left mounds of Yule greens for me to gather. I walked up the street, secateurs in hand, feeling as if, once again I was back in time, gathering Yule greens to decorate my home as I did in times and lives past. I am creating memories for myself as I do this.. helping me to bond with this home.. I cannot do it all in a blink of an eye. At Inglewood, it took quite a few seasons to actually feel as if the home and garden were part of me and I know that I must  not rush the process here in Avalon. it will happen as the seasons turn.

There was a thrill going through my soul as I wound and tied the greens into some kind of wreath. Not worrying too much if it was a perfect circle. The leftover greenery was put into a bucket near my front door.

June 16
Last night, I dreamed of a goddess in blue with mists around her, she came in and out of my dreams at least 4 times. sometimes, floating as if she were under water. I looked up goddess in blue and the Celtic goddess Danu came up.
Of water and an early earth mother. Not surprising, as in the 13 Moon course I am working with the element of water... I took this dream as a message from Danu that she wants to be my goddess for water and emotions among other things.

June 17
After a day in my shamanic class yesterday, I woke this morning feeling vulnerable, bare.

Like a tree in winter needing to rest before the journey starts towards spring

As I was cleaning the shower (element of water again), I began to think over my constant search for my life purpose. The workshops, the women's circles, and I honestly jolted into a realization that I am here to enjoy life. Its as simple as that. Not to constantly worry about achieving and doing but to enjoy myself, to play. Whether it be enjoying circles where I just go along or play with herbs as if I am living in times past. I don’t need to do anything to achieve my ‘life purpose’.. a term that is bandied around too much, really. Putting pressure on myself to do something, be something and this is something that is falling away from my being.

Later that afternoon, I gathered my gardening gloves and secateurs, took a basket and went off for a walk to gather some holly and pine cones for this Yuletide season and winter solstice
I put the finishing touches to my Yule doll, tied holly with a red ribbon to hang on my front gate and put a vase of holly at my front door in preparation for winter solstice

June 18
I woke this morning feeling very unburdened. Light even. Since discovering the fact that I can enjoy life without the pressure of using my reiki or other talents for a purpose in life, it is like a heavy weight has been taken off my whole self and I feel joyous. A very good feeling
I went to the nursery today to buy a plant for winter solstice and came home with valerian, tansy, baby spinach, an elder plant and a native shrub that looks exactly like holly. The same leathery prickly leaves. Except this plant attracts birds with gorgeous fuschia like flowers in spring. This I will plant as my sacred holly tree in lieu of the real European holly that is a weed here in the mountains. I also want to buy a couple of daphne for my front garden. the most exquisite perfume. I had alot of daphne at Inglewood and the garden at this time of  year was truly a scented garden, something I hope to achieve here in the garden as well. there is nothing like a posy of daphne in an old cream jar on the table.
I also went to a favourite vintage shop and bought the most exquisite red sari to use as my Yule altar cloth.

so, today, June 19, I begin to decorate my Yule altar and greenery on my mantle piece.. and look forward to Winter Magic Festival on Saturday.. look forward to Winter Solstice and my planned meal of Beef and Guinness.. from Daisy's recipe.

and you know, this journey of mine, may seem intense, it may seem like i am sad sometimes, but I am not. .. I am rediscovering who I am.. that woman within who loves life.. has had some knocks like we all do.. a woman who knows she is blessed, a woman who loves life with a passion, a woman who wants to create, a woman who allows herself to experience every emotion when it visits.. however  difficult it may seem.. but knowing deep within that it is all part of her journey

June arrives & I come to a decision.. baring my soul.

I embroidered some small pieces of linen with words and hung them around my pottery water filter ~ with the intention that the qualities of these words will be infused into the water..following on from Dr. Emoto..

June 4
I spent quite a few hours in my garden today. Weeding, pruning the plum tree and mulching. I noticed that the sage that I planted for Samhain, in my wheel of the year garden is yellowing and has stopped growing. Truly going inward towards Winter Solstice. I also finally bought some alyssum seeds to plant around the sage – Alyssum being an annual for Samhain, according to my Celtic Lore.

June 5
Water is the element for this month in the online course – I can feel the energy of water in my life. June 1, it rained. And I, myself, feel as if I am being washed cleaned.
I have not even looked at the notes for my 13 moon journey for June. I feel myself going inward in a huge shift. Yesterday, I had a headache all over my head. I read somewhere that there are a lot of solar flares happening and this could be causing them. I feel myself, shedding.. like my snake totem animal [must remember to ask for help from snake when I need it].. I am shedding my beliefs and changing or morphing. I know now, that I am not a Christian, but still love some of the ancient traditions of the catholic church and would still defend that. I still feel a very strong connection to the christian mystics and Mary.
I know now, that I don’t need to go to church to be able to have the Marys in my life. I am embracing my witch and pagan self more each day and feel at ease with this.
I have also realized that to bond with my new home, I must slow down. This means for me, actually cancelling my gym membership and spending time walking in the gorgeous bush near my home, sitting journaling in the cave and taking my drum and drumming somewhere surrounded by trees and rocks.
This morning while in the shower [water again], I was thinking about the ever elusive life purpose that so many talk about.. and I came to an understanding that I am to heal myself.. by what I am doing … ritual, journaling, art, garden and workshops for self. I am to learn to love, honour and nurture myself and in doing that, I will heal..and as I heal, I help heal the world. In a big way, vibrationally.

I created an altar in my bathroom for a water ritual each morning

June 6
I bought some beeswax today to anoint my wand. I made this wand a few years ago from the wood of the apple tree in Woodford and as I was anointing this wand, I felt that I must let this go. I must create a new wand, for the new emerging me, the new home in Katoomba and let the old one go.
So this weekend, I plan to create a new wand and bless it with water from chalice well. And a new crystal will be found. I may even use a rock from Cornwall as well.
[I ended up starting the wand today. I went to find a branch to cut on the apple tree and asked permission to take a piece. Cutting the branch into a wand and then trying to sand it proved difficult on green wood, so I found a branch from a pruning of the apple or plum tree from last year. I am not sure which tree but it doesn’t matter as I will create another wand from the piece I cut. I sanded and chiselled and smoothed the bark and then went to my shamanic class

June 7
This morning I had my shower, did my blessings and asked Le Fay [my chosen Water Goddess], and the water spirits to help me release negative past emotions within and to help me heal the grief that I hold within from past conditioning and past lives.. and then I blessed my new wand and anointed it with sacred oils of spikenard and sandalwood, I cleansed it with sage and then I anointed it with beeswax.
Driving down through Leura Cascades, I see early flowering wattle, bare European trees and the lushness of rain forest in winter among the tall mountain ash forest.

I just cannot believe how easily it has been for me to let go of the Christian conditioning from childhood, since I made the commitment a month ago. When I sat and thought about what it was that kept me clinging to the Catholic Church I realized it was just the ritual and ceremony and that is what helped me to drop the last thread and feel comfortable with it.
Dark moon and I am feeling as if I am in the verge of something but have no idea what.

June 9
I woke this morning thinking of the cyclamen that are available in the nurseries and florists at the moment and it took me back to my time in Cornwall, of cyclamens, poinsettia and Yuletide trees side by side for sale for the season of Christmas . I must admit that I do struggle with the seasons here. Even though born and bred in Australia, my deep memories are of the northern hemisphere seasons.
I attended a workshop based around the Greek Goddess Hestia.. of the Hearth.. [Cerridwen could be the Celtic equivalent].. we created a clay hearth Goddess and mine has a Celtic feel about her.. so she will go on an altar for Cerridwen.

June 10
A beautiful new moon morning, woken by bird call. The magpies and twittering of smaller birds and a bird call that I could not place. The cold winter sky is blue with a splattering of clouds. A heavy dew lies upon the earth.
it's time to gather and bring towards you the things/people/ideas you want to encourage in your life. It's also a good time to plant those vegetables that grow above the ground!
I write down a list of things that I wish to gather to manifest for this time.. I light a candle and ask Cerridwen to help me with what I wish to create and manifest in my life now.

In the shower this morning, I was thinking of my path, my journey and I realised that since I had begun to shed my ‘Christian cape’ of past conditionings, I feel much lighter. Even the inner loneliness has lessened and there is relief of striving to be connected to the Divine, to be good enough. I feel stronger in my self. I sprinkle the blessed jasmine water on myself as if it is Hol-ly water. [Soak Holly leaves overnight in spring water under a full moon to make your ''Holly water". sprinkle the water around your home for psychic protection and cleansing]

I had woken with a feeling of dread.. next Friday, I am suppose to have a little ceremony for me to become an Oblate candidate..I feel like a fake – so I emailed the Nuns explaining my feelings.
I think I was attracted to being an Oblate, because of my past lives in Abbeys, the same as why I became a catholic in the first place.. but last week, I realised that what attracts me to the whole thing is the ritual of it all.
After I send the email, mild panic sets in and I feel as if I am bare. a few tears as well. I see myself under a tree, sobbing, on Mother Earth asking her for guidance [because truly, I have no idea what is happening to me with all of this].. it is like leaf, by leaf I am being made bare and it is scary stuff. But I must sit with it. Allow.
I begin to plan the Well that I am going to build in my garden. A Holy Well for Brighid.