a weekend of gardening ~ and Monday

the past couple of days, Joe and I have taken advantage of the gorgeous late autumn days and packed a sandwich and some fruit into a basket and walked to a nearby park. It is lovely to sit and eat under the trees, with leaves falling around us. ahh, the simple things in life.. are free and do our soul a world of good.

April 27
after lunch in Hinkler Park, just up the road from our home, we returned home and worked for a few hours in the garden.

Joe built me a wheel of the year garden and we moved the blueberries into a more suitable position. There is not much to do in the garden at the moment, but is is just nice to be outside working, bonding with the garden and plants. We plan where my little prayer cubby house will be built. I cannot wait until this is done. Joe is so good to me, really. He builds all kinds of things for me and he has a real talent for design.

the apple tree is slowly losing her leaves.. but I know from experience that oneday, those leaves will  just decide to let go all at once and the grass will be carpeted with them.. not to worry, I love raking them up and they are always put to good use, either on the garden or into a compost bin.

I weed around my Marian shrine in the front yard and take delight in the gorgeous leaves that continue to fall around me like confetti. The hollyhocks are still blooming and seem to be producing more stems and flowers. I have never grown these before so I am not sure if this is normal to continue to flower for 6 mths. I see that the dutch iris leaves are up and the winter roses are blooming.
as I work in the garden, I hear tourists walking past on their way back from Katoomba Falls and I  hear 'oh, this is nice'.. and I realize that they are talking about my own house Avalon and my garden... so my hard work pays off by bringing joy to others.. which is what I wish to do oneday.. share my garden with a circle - contemplating spirituality..
the leaves on the 3 maples are yellow now and the stems are turning the brilliant cerise that they do at this time of year. absolutely stunning.
late into the night, I work on my Morrigan Spirit doll.

April 28
A Currawong greeted me as I went outside first thing this morning, alighting on the fence directly outside my door and listened as I said good morning to him.
Going down to where I am creating a sacred circle, I stood, with my eyes closed under my apple tree and I spoke the words of blessing that I do every morning. After I had finished I stood there, eyes closed and absorbed. The gentle autumn breeze blew softly through my hair and even, I think, through my whole being. The magpies began to carol and the leaves rustled and I could almost feel the veil thinning a little more, leading up to Samhain. What is it about this time of year that makes one want to reflect?

When I read up on Currawong medicine, I see that this bird could be a true animal for Samhain, helping to bring to the fore our hurts and pain from the past and heal them

Sunday mid morning I feel tired so I rest. I feel as if my whole body is intune with earth and the emotional roller coaster of the few part weeks is catching up with me. Nevertheless I follow the urge to lay down and I read Anam Cara, learning in that text that it is very important for people on the spiritual path to look after themselves - point taken.. I really do feel a need to really nurture myself and to let go of the sternness of Saturn which rules me at times.

I think that this Samhain is so different to any others for me.. the deep reflecting over the past month has helped me really be in tune.. especially with my ancestors. I love it.

while researching Samhain, I discovered that the Cornish actually celebrated it as a different name ~ Kalan Gwav, meaning first day of winter, or Nos Kalan Gwav, meaning eve of the first day of winter.. which sent ripples of excitement through my soul! I am planning on visiting the grave of my cornish great grandmother, Laura on Tuesday and I was going to take the last apple from my tree and leave on her grave.. I was so excited to read this:
Large red apples similar to the "Allan" apples popular in West Cornwall during Allantide - it seems that I am very much in tune with my own intuition of my ancestral lineage.

in my wheel of the year garden, I decide to plant heather and sage. I chose heather because it really touched my heart in Cornwall, as we drove along the moors.. and it is perfect for the climate of Katoomba. Now all i need to do is source a plant somewhere. it was available everywhere in Cornwall.. in florists. beautiful. I remember it vividly, especially in Bodmin. so, yes I think a perfect choice.

April 29
I will admit I am finding it a little difficult to relate to the tradition of Samhain and what I have read. Being in a different hemisphere and land, our whole weather pattern is different to my ancestral land. Different to what is described and written anywhere..the weather in Katoomba is unseasonably warm, there is no cold wind blowing as happened in times past in Cornwall.
A little disappointing actually but earth and the seasons are changing, even many of the trees are still green here, very late in turning their autumn colour..

I carve a turnip and my thoughts turn to my ancestors who most probably did this around the table, together as a family. I feel loneliness steal over me for a moment. I toss the carving leftovers into my vegie soup.

the last week in April

the past few posts  have been alot of sorting through my thoughts.. and I thankyou for reading along.. this is the way I seem to work. I ponder, question and angst until I come to some kind of settling within. And this is what happened this past week.

the dutch medlar fruit is coming along well.. I have never tasted this but apparently it is much like an apple, so I look forward to tasting these when they are ripe.. and supposedly, they are good for jam
April 20
following my ancestral path brings a real sense of connection and peace to my soul. The following of the Celtic wheel of life, the folklore, herbs, rituals when I feel a need.... not so much casting circles and other traditional witch workings, but more like my grandmothers before me would do.. gather herbs, make poultices and remedies.. cook from the garden and tend earth. Following the Wheel, contemplatively.

Woke to rain and mist this morning so my planned walk to the co/op was changed to driving. Being with the nuns yesterday helped me to understand that ritual can be done at anytime of the month or season. I planned on doing a small ritual in my sacred space outside where I gathered leaves and wrote on each one an aspect of shadow that I wish to release but as it is raining I will have to postpone until it is dry. And that is ok because the intention is there and it will happen in a day or two. This realization has released anxiety within myself . No time restraints and it is helping me live in the moment

April 21
I dreamed of my power animal last night. Snake. It was inside and it was slithering towards me, so I chopped it up with an axe, then cried. Then more and more baby snakes started appearing in my path ....

We went for a ride today out to Lithgow to the IronFest... a yearly event held around Medieval life... I made a big mistake of having a reading done by a ‘gypsy’... and it was so negative, it really rattled me.. we left early because I was feeling sick from the energy of the reader.. and as we were driving home through Doctors Gap, I felt the wind blowing through my aura and I closed my eyes and allowed it to cleanse me... going up the hill, I saw large rocks.. our own standing stones!! and I felt one with those rocks. A part of them.. I heard the trees tell me that I was going to be ok, that I must, must begin to trust and listen to my inner wisdom..

April 22
A grey day today. I woke feeling drained but having a whisper of a dream about a horse... I was riding one in some kind of field. But that is all I got, a whisper of the dream.

After my morning meditation I realised that I am exhausted and need to really slow down,in my meditation I heard that I must scry on Samhain using my small glass scrying bowl and that I must spend time in nature as often as I can
The magpies have been in my garden alot the past week. On the fence like sentinels, I wonder if they are showing themselves to help me settle here. They were a very big part of my garden journey in Woodford and I felt lost without them but here they are, they heard the call of my soul
I can feel myself going within, caving, not wanting to share myself and that is ok, because my body is in rhythm with the seasons.

April 23
A beautiful sunny autumn day and once again the magpies are in my backyard. this brings me such joy! I see the bog sage is flowering and both my orange and lemons have fruit forming. There are also a handful of raspberries, forming on the canes. This garden will be abundant in a year or two, with the apples & plums already advanced and the citrus coming along well too.
 I am off to visit my dad in time for Samhain. His ashes are with his parents in the family cemetery at Sackville
Before I left, I gathered a gorgeous bunch of flowers from my garden.. lavender, hydrangeas and some of the Chrysanthemums that I planted last Samhain.. hydrangeas were my grandmas favourite flowers.. I also gathered a handful of autumn leaves and an apple from my tree. The apple was for an old Celtic custom of giving a loved one an apple at Samhain.
We drove down to Sackville, picking my grandsons up on the way.. I wanted to introduce them to their ancestors who were buried in our family cemetery..

we weeded and tidied up the graves of my grandmother and grandfather.. my dad is with my grandfather, we didn't have alot of tools and the cemetery itself needs a good tidy up, so we decided to come back in a month or two and have a working bee.

I arranged the flowers in a glass jar.  

April 24

the camellia that I planted last year in September for the healing of my sacral chakra, is blooming..
I call her Lilith.

the lavender in the front garden is amazing  the roses seem to have finished the autumn flush and will be asking to be pruned in a few weeks. so many ideas buzzing in my head for my garden. It is like finally, the garden is really speaking to me.

Joe and I went for a ride today.. and surprisingly, ended up in the same area as we had been the day before... stopping to have cups of tea in parks .. we went past chook farms.. where the poor chickens are locked into huge sheds.. crammed in. I could smell them as we drove.. the fear and sadness and I began to send love to each of those chickens stuck inside.. surrounded them with love and thanked them. It made me treasure my own little clutch of hens .. it was a shock to see those sheds and hens.. hidden deep within the bush as if to keep out of sight and out of mind.. if we can't see them, it isn't happening.
FROM MY THOUGHTS:
Past uncle Eric’s and auntie Nellies place on the corner, bringing back memories of plum jam and scones . I remember the orchards that surrounded their home, citrus, nectarines and peaches. I remember the roadside stall that they had, selling excess fruit. And the boxes of sweet summer stone fruit that they gave us... all of these orchards have gone, being replaced with sandstone quarries.. and any orchards that are remaining are overgrown and neglected. It breaks my heart. What sad times we live in..

Driving past where my grand father lived with his 2nd wife, Amelia. I remember their vegie garden
A big expanse if rich hand tilled soil. Growing all kinds if vegies
Their tiny cottage with floral curtains and rugs on the floor. Homely. Cakes in the oven and kettle on the stove .,.
I see that all this had vanished in progress and I wonder if their spirits still frequent this place at times. I wonder if the wander through gardens that we can no longer see in our physical world .. I wonder if they ever peek through the veil at this time of year, to see what their descendants are up to.. I wonder if they shake their heads in disbelief at what we are doing to our world.

I seem to be in the company of many ancestors this past week

April 25
Anzac Day
I ponder this: rosemary is a plant related to Samhain.. and this same plant is connected to Anzac Day. Rosemary means remembering... both days are end of April.. a very good connection for us here in the Southern Hemisphere..
Anzac biscuits [not cookies].. a fantastic Samhain food. A tradition of our ancestors.

While watching the Anzac ceremonies today on TV before we went to our local March, strains of ‘Abide With Me’.. took me back to when I was a little girl, singing with my grandma as she played the organ. That hymn was and still is a favourite.. my grandma taught me every word.. yet another ancestral link.. yes, the veil is really thinning for me this year. It is like I am truly connected, aware and intune with what is around me. Finally.

we went to Springwood for the local march, taking Mum with us and buying some Anzac biscuits from the War Widows. I use to make them when I was a teenager, but I just can't get them right, so it is easier to buy some home made from these wonderful women.

mum is 77 this year. I must treasure every moment with her. She enjoyed her Anzac biscuit and bought a packet to take home
I have realised [finally] that I must stop searching for women to share my journey with [even thought it is something I really wish for].. I am a solitary..and eventually my path will take me where I am meant to be. There is a local herb group that meets once a month that I am going to join and the Benedictine groups that I go to is enough for me for the time being, going into winter, I really do need to learn to allow myself to slow down..

April 26
Full Moon in Scorpio this morning. Last night I went out under the beautiful Moon and stood, absorbing energies.. some crystals were placed outside to take advantage of it as well.
A flock of juvenile bower birds arrive in my garden this morning. Nibbling at the parsley and some weeds growing in the herb garden. I note to myself, that I must net the raspberries this morning before they discover them.
I cooked myself some boiled eggs for breakfast this morning.. and as I sat and ate them.. my thoughts went back to times of sitting with my Pa eating our breakfast.. poached eggs with toast.. and I believe that was a most nourishing meal.. mostly because it was cooked with love by Nana. It is so important to cook our food with love. to sit and bless our food before eating.. and I sometimes even hold my hands over the food when I am serving it.. to bless it for others...
My thoughts turn to Samhain and I begin to plan my own acknowledgement of this seasonal shift. I pore over folklore gathered over the years from the Internet. I am attracted to ritual and decorating my home. The veil is beginning to thin. I see signs that my ancestors are around me... a kookaburra makes an appearance reminding me of my dad.
I begin to create a medicine doll and a prayer flag for Samhain and over the next year I will have a collection of altar dolls and a string of prayer flags
My thoughts travel back to my time in Cornwall and I wonder how my ancestors would have marked Samhain. What did they eat? A special meal or whatever they had in the stores? most likely what they had, I am thinking.. my planned lamb roast seems a little extragant, but I enjoy cooking and I know that I must begin to create traditions for myself and Joe..[I keep saying this, and I hope oneday I will look back and see, that indeed I did do this]
My ancestors were more intune with earth and the seasons, and the folklore that I love so much was their actual way of living...not just something done to celebrate. They had such a strong connection with all,  that their own ancestors were part of their physical life. THIS is what I strive for and I do believe that I am now firmly on that path. The doubt has gone

so that is my past week.. a few more days til the end of April.. and tomorrow I plan on spending some time in my front garden.. tidying up and mulching... then Samhain next Tuesday will bring the end of April..

both sides of my coin

April 15
Lately, I feel as if I am floundering in who I am, within the sphere of my spiritual self.. I love hedgewitchery and I love Catholicism.. [they are both aspects of past lives, that seem to be an important part of this life].. but oh how I struggle with both of them or rather, how I struggle with combining the two..
Catholicism is bringing up for me, feelings of not being ‘evolved’ as some others think they are.. and hedgewitchery because I feel so alone with no-one to share with.. it is like there is a part of my soul that is lost in the wilderness and I am thinking of soul retrieval, because I am sure once I bring these parts of my self back, then it will all settle. Because I cannot give either one up.

Eating my breakfast this morning, I look out onto the trees across the way, that back onto the beginning of Katoomba Falls.. There are pines and eucalypts, oaks and flowering cherries. At this time of year, the eucalypt stands out more than at other times of the year,  because the leaves take on a burnt hue – not quite burgundy, but a dark auburn tinge. I noticed it last year and today realised that this is the autumn dress for that tree.
I have the windows open today, to take advantage of the autumn breeze that is blowing. It is not cold at all.. which is odd.. there is a warmth about it..

I feel gratitude when I see the autumn leaves blowing along the road out back of my home. I water the mint and I feel a love for my garden.. I know that I can recapture what I had in my other home in Woodford.. it will take time.. it will take a season or two, but I can do it.. I love herbs and I really would love to study something simple about herbs.. bringing that village wise woman self to the fore.
There was a thunder storm late in the afternoon and into the night.. rolling thunder and lightning, like a tropical storm.. very odd for this time of year. I noticed a family of magpies in my garden today.. and funnily, they seem attracted to my newly created circle.. they walk into it and peck around, then step out.

April 16
I went for a ride today with Joe... it was misty and really chilly when we left.. late autumn is definitely here.
The country side is so green and at times, I felt a similarity between here and England.. the narrow roads that we rode along, reminiscent of those many English laneways we travelled.. my heart was in love with this land, even though there is still a soul pining for England.
I saw crows and white cockatoos and gardens full of flowering dahlias.. many of our native eucalypts are shedding their bark.. some in long strands others in big chunks

April 18
There are alot of things in my life that seem difficult at times but each time something happens [ like the workshop last weekend,], it seems as if these are sent to show me what is right for me and what is not, it takes me some processing and then I come to a realization of that which I have been struggling with..
the latest one has been around the Catholic Church stealing pagan ways, some priestesses like Brighid and some of the Holy days.
From my journal:
Maybe they took what they loved of their old ways and brought it to this new way that they loved so much. Maybe the religion back then was more pure than it is now.
I am a tad tired of people saying that the Catholic Church stole this and that. Maybe they did for those reasons and I know deep in my heart that there is goodness in that faith.
I just think power and corruption has infiltrated just as it does everything even the goddess movement [that seems to be my nemesis]. In that movement you cannot be a priestess without years if training and lots of money and there is hierarchy in that too, believe me.

So I continue on.. with energetic staff in hand.. searching for my truth.. but all the while trying to live in the moment..

We took mum out for dinner on my way to contemplative prayer and when I took her home she grabbed my hand and said that it was wonderful that I was going to church (that is where the prayer group is held) then she asked me what strange stuff I was learning. She was concerned that I was going the devils path with my Shamanic course.... how do you explain reiki to an old woman?
I just said 'well mum you have a couple of crystals and don't forget God created them so they can't be evil!!!
Talk about tests of faith!

April 19

I am noticing alot of the native banksias in flower. There golden blooms looking very much like church candles standing erect on the end of branches. I never realized before that these bloom in late autumn.. a perfect colour. deep gold.

I went to Sr. Jacinta's Cosmology group today.. Cosmology does my head in.. but I continue to go because the Nuns have such wonderful reflections and meditations.. and today was not a disappointment.

From Jacinta's notes:
"we often hear people talk of spring cleaning but the season of autumn is also a good time to unclutter. Nature is busy doing her own cleaning in this season of transformation and relinquishment."

Jacinta had her altar decorated with autumn branches and a beautiful cross that she had created herself from a fallen tree.. and a basket of leaves was there for each one to take.. the reflection was all about letting go.. surrendering to what is.. just as a leaf does.. going from verdant green in summer, connected until it is time to go through transformation.. Letting go and releasing. When does one know that it is the exact perfect moment to release hold? And fall, dancing the dance of life.. [there are a few areas in my life that I can apply this to]

I go outside for my meditation.. it is a beautiful autumn mountains day. cold, windy and sunny. The cool air touches my face, making each nerve tingle with that delicious autumn chill.. the sun is beautiful, late autumn, where shadows are very soft.
I stand and let the wind rustle through my aura, the transforming breath. I am feeling cleansed and alive and yes, ready to embrace change. Ready to let go of clinging to the past, just like the autumn leaf..not knowing where I will land.. but trusting.. trusting that I will fall where I am meant to be. In the letting go I will come to an understanding of the Divine..coming into a new stage of my life.. my Centering Prayer, being an Oblate and all that my life encompasses.. I am blessed and in love with my life. I look for ways to help others, trusting that this will be shown to me in the perfect time..

it was New Moon week....

April 8
The bush near my home is beginning to take an autumnal glow each afternoon. The kind of light that only autumn is known for. Gone is the garish brilliant light of summer and the cold light of winter is yet to come. this autumn light, is soft, golden, nurturing. I wonder if my ancestors in Cornwall, felt this way in autumn, because the love comes from somewhere in times past.. I see myself as a woman in a field, long skirt, hair tied back, harvesting grain of some kind.

The nights are getting chilly at times and heavy dews are common. Night skies hold the stars in that crisp way that Samhain skies do. I love this time of year, the chill and mist touch my soul in a very deep way.

April 9
It is the dark moon and I have been struggling with this one. Depressed, sad tears and tiredness all to do with the mother wound. Of being a mother and a daughter, both aspects of the mother. Add to that the ancestral feminine line, that still needs healing to be done and I feel I really need a break
Somewhere on the beach in the sun. Just two days would be enough

April 10
the Moon is still in her darkness and today, I feel as if I am one with her... Joe is away for a few days on the bike.. and once he left, I could feel the panic of abandonment welling up inside.. .. coming up to be healed at this time of the Moon. This emotion is for me, connected to Samhain [I am not sure why right now, but I know it will come to me].. and I feel as if the ancestors are gathering around me in support and encouragement. I also feel that Hecate is around me.. in my meditation, I heard myself calling her softly.. as if I were looking for her on a dark path somewhere in time.

healing the unfinished business of those who've come before us.
This is the Pain Body of the ancestors... a vibrational field of suffering and stagnation that can harm not only you but the whole planet.
 [Wicca Spirituality]

It is afternoon. New Moon time is tonight, about 7.30.. and right at this moment, mid afternoon, it is like the earth is in a moment of pause. Very still. Resting. I can feel this deeply.

Words spill from my fingers.. voicing the grief within. [grief from I don't know where]

Grief. Grief from times past
Lives past, maybe.
Wells up inside, so painful..
Until I can feel it in my throat,
Like a burning sphere
It rises up and spills from my soul
As tears.. flowing like a dammed up river
Held back by fallen trees of life, like a beaver dam
Until oneday, nothing will hold back the flood
And it spills over and over
Until empty.

April 12
A beautiful autumn day.. and my Benedictine Oblate group. Sitting chatting with Sr. Monica, my mentor she asked me what calls to me, what brings me peace and I spoke of my garden. She said it sounded like I am being called to a life of contemplation in the garden.. and I chatted about following the wheel of the year and she said that is a perfect way to be a contemplative in the garden through the year. Many monks work in the garden while contemplating and chanting. This kind of thing brings me peace. She said to lose myself in the 'Isness' of God... she loaned me a book by Meister Eckhart..
I would love to hold women’s workshops in my garden.. where we sit and contemplate, talk and do some art journaling.. maybe lunch created from produce from my own garden.

[this is the marked out wheel of the year garden.. in the middle is the magnolia tree that I planted for my re-birthing/reconnecting ceremony last year before I went to Cornwall]
I started to design my wheel of the Year garden. Just a small round garden which will have a plant for each turn.. similar to the one around my Marian shrine except this garden is round and is situated in my sacred space. Where I will eventually build up energy and magick. Samhain coming up and I have already bought a sage plant – when I am working in my garden lately, it feels as if I am back in medieval times. I can feel ancestors from that time, drawing near as I garden, whispering to me… encouraging me. I planted mint, bog sage and wormwood tree. As well as kale and celery.

April 13
I actually went for a workshop today.. won't go into details.. but I came home with a roaring headache, questioning once again my own deep belief in God... questioning over and over..
Journal: Cosmology does my head in..really, does all of this really matter for me? Who or what you call the creator of the Universe.. does it matter if the name is God or Goddess.. all I want in life is to be a vessel of peace, a chalice of love.. a contemplative mystic.. I don't want to know or understand where we came from.. it has given me a headache all of this unnecessary knowledge.. ..
I once asked about the meaning of life.. and in that workshop, boy did I get that explanation!! be very careful what you wish for..

April 14
so needless to say, I woke with a migraine and did not go today back to the workshop. Instead I took myself to Mass in Springwood..where I saw friends from that community.. who really do care and love me.. I sat in the church, surrounded by sacredness, incense and in the company of Saints.. and I felt my heart swell.. I cried when I went to communion, I felt loved.. this is where I find belonging. Every one here is ok with the word God and I never have to justify or  hide my beliefs.
so yes, I must accept that I am bith a Catholic.. and a witch, . and I must not hide any of  that in fear of not being accepted by those who ridicule the Church or who are fearful of 'black magic'.. and believe me, there are many of them on both sides.. and now, I know it is their own fears that they project on to me.

this afternoon, I watered the newly planted plants, raked fallen autumn leaves and noticed that there are raspberries on my raspberry canes. I hope to get to taste them before the birds do.

To create a garden is to search for a better world. In our
effort to improve on nature, we are guided by a vision of
paradise. Whether the result is a horticultural masterpiece
or only a modest vegetable patch, it is based on the
expectation of a glorious future. This hope for the future is
at the heart of all gardening.
~Marina Schinz

a week in autumn

my spiritual journey is coming to me thick and fast.. thoughts of creating a medicine wheel in my backyard, creating some kind of healing centre here in my own home.. a small space where I can help people, somehow... but there is a hesitation, a fear and I need to go gentle with myself... thoughts of 'am I really just playing with all of this?'.. when I really 'should' be doing my housework and living a 'normal' life. I know that is the ego trying to keep me safe and small.. but I do often wonder if my focus on this spiritual journey is over the top.. it consumes me at times.. it is like I am on the path and I cannot  jump off.. My spiritual mentor has told me it can be like that because once you start, nothing else will satisfy... but I am trying to balance it by going out for dinner with friends and just letting the hair down. sometimes, being double Capricorn can be quite intense. add to that a Taurean Moon.. whew!

Lately, I have been having yearnings to return to Glastonbury, which is odd because after my trip at the end of last year, I did vow I would never set foot on English soil again.. So now there is a wish for me to visit Glastonbury.. to revisit the Abbey and to walk the town.. maybe oneday.

The online Wheel of the Year course, is actually helping me alot to notice my garden and area more, .. to be in touch with my feelings as we travel towards Samhain...[and to bring together all that I have been doing for years, really. Sharing with others even if online is wonderful, makes me feel not so alone in all of this]
 I am noticing things in the bush that I had never noticed before and recording them in a kind of Book of Shadows.. or what I like to think of as my Book of Footsteps.. [I read that somewhere and liked it better than the traditional name].. I hesitate at getting myself an athame.. something within makes me really withdraw from purchasing one.. maybe a past life, I don't know.. but for my own athame, I am using a vintage knife that was my grandmas.. I use the knife to cut cords of attachment, whenever the need arises. Being a sensitive, sometimes I attract things that hook into my aura, I still have not  mastered the total protection that I need. Something I must work on.

Alot is also resurfacing from my childhood.. lately, I have been going to sleep and a few minutes after I drop of to sleep, I waken in terror, panic.. I had no idea why until I had a spiritual healing from my mentor and I remembered that as a child, I use to see and hear things. I was highly clairsentient and clairvoyant. Sometimes things that I saw frightened me.. I remember once, being in bed and a hand came out from  under the bed, with a gift on  it.. I never took it.. I quickly turned over and squeezed my eyes shut.. and this is beginning to come back to me.. and that is what the panic is, I think. But, I have all the tools of psychic protection knowledge.. I studied that for 6 weeks a few years ago. I need to get that tool bag out.
ever since going to Cornwall, it is like lights are coming on for me.. opening up so many channels.

April 2
Driving along GWH coming up Bodington Hill towards Wentworth Falls, I notice that the white flowering gums are in blossom. Making some of the bush look like it is covered in a light dusting of snow, the sky is brilliant blue and the waning moon is low in the day sky. They must be autumn flowering. A Samhain flower for here in the mountains
As I travel further up the hill towards Katoomba and into Blackheath, I notice that the gums aren't flowering here. I wonder if it is because it is higher altitude and therefore cooler. Or the flowering gums that I notice only grow in that one area, a pocket of them.
Most plants flower later in the upper mountains because of the cooler climate.
Time will tell I guess
The wattle birds are also around here at the moment, they sound a little like they have a hoarse cough when they sing.

Friday April 6th
I spent a lovely autumn morning in Jacintas garden with the Benedictine group.

the first thing I see is a heart made from two eucalyptus leaves, having been placed there by the element of wind..

lots of mushrooms popping up after a few days of rain. some look like bunches of flowers, tucked into the base of the trees.
 I notice seed pods on the waratahs as well as the swell of new buds just beginning to form. They will take until spring to burst forth in a blaze of crimson red. Autumn leaves scatter lightly over the grass, mixed with the native eucalyptus. A mixture of European and natives co-existing ~ I think of how easy it is for the plant world to live side by side here, without a need for either species to be dominant. ..

and then we went to dinner that night, when Joe told me that they had cut down a tree that I had loved for many years.. and it made me feel sick.. and as I wrote previously in a post, I did a ritual for the tree...

Sunday April 7
daylight saving ended today so I was up early. I spent the morning in the garden, cleaning the chook pen and nesting boxes out, strewing wormwood and lavender prunings into the nesting boxes and lemon verbena on the floor of the pen.. I weeded and tied up berry canes, I pulled spent tomatoes out and tied up the citrus trees.. planted a rose and then went to the nursery to buy some herbs.
I notice that the chrysanthemum that I planted last Samhain, is beginning to flower. I hope that it is still flowering on the actual moment.. but honestly, the garden is all over the place these days, the seasons are changing.. and the plants are confused... While working in my garden, I noticed the giant flowering cherry.. just beginning to lose her leaves. I felt a kind of stillness.. a moment, just before the leaves let go. A pause. A sacred pause between breaths.. of being on the tree and letting go. This is autumn.

How much the making of a garden, no matter how small, adds to the joy of living, only those who practice the arts and the science can know.

~E. H. Wilson

healing the damage done.. bringing positive from negative..

I had a fitful nights sleep last night, after the shock of the desecration of the tree.. and it was not only Grandmother tree, but at least 8 others.. all very old.. all night I dreamed of the Dryad of the tree, She came to me before bed and I quickly pen sketched her.. and all during the night, I was given instructions of how I was to draw her in my journal. Finally, at 5am, I got up, made a cup of herbal tea, collected oil and chalk pastels and started to draw..
and here is what was created

I have an online friend, who lives not too far from me.. we have never met, but Janeena has become a teacher to me.. and this is what she suggested I do for the tree, when she read about it on facebook:
to 'rehome' the spirits/dryad of felled giants. If you can get a little tree of the same species,and take it to the body of the hurt tree, and invite the spirit in to the baby tree. Tell it you will honour and nurture it and keep it safe. Take some red thread and attach one end to a part of the stump or a root or branch ( if any left) of the trees remains and the other end to the baby tree. This is the 'magical placenta' the trees spirit will travel through. See the sacred tree energy travelling into the baby tree. Talk to it, tell it how sorry you are that men have hurt it, that you want to help it, and have a new home for it to be safe. Take some of the sawdust, bark etc to mulch the new tree when you plant it. An ancient tree spirit has power and can linger with the remains of the tree until it has completely dried out. This is a chance for it to hop into a new 'body' and as the baby tree doesn't yet have a spirit, it isn't harmed. Leave an offering in the spot the tree stood.

and this is what I did:

I searched for a tree at a few nurseries, finally finding on in Wentworth Falls.. not a tube tree, there were none to be found.. but a tree called me and when I looked it was a white gum and the energy coming from it was like that of an infant... I drove down the mountain with Joe, to Grandmother tree and got out, taking my shamanic tool basket with me... a candle, some incense, some spikenard, the red cord - my tools of  healing.. All the while, feeling quite insane

I walked up to the tree, feeling very self conscious with cars whizzing by, looking to see what on earth this woman in hippy clothes was doing..

I had to step over the orange plastic wire fence erected around the tree.. feeling very much like a law breaker.. I noticed the tree was bleeding.. and I felt so sad.. but there was peace there too..

I lit a candle, some heart chakra incense that I had bought in Tintagel and anointed the stump with spikenard. Chosen oil of Mary Magdalene.

I then tied a red cord to the stump where it was bleeding and attached it to the new baby tree & I sat with the them and closed my eyes. I felt such a struggle as if a being was trying to claw it's way out. It was exhausted, haunted even. I saw some claw type things grabbing and clutching at the red cord as if it were a lifeline.. finally I saw shapes, starting to pulsate up the cord into the baby tree, like spheres of light.. it went on for a few minutes, all the while, me sitting with my back against the injured tree.. just breathing

Once that was done I took the cord from grandmother tree, blessed her and tied some leaves from her onto the branches of the baby tree. As an offering, I left a clay earth healing disc as well as the candle still burning. I scooped up some bark and wood shavings.. and I even found a stick from Her.. [am going to make a cross from it].. and bought the new tree, home to Katoomba.

we dug a hole out the back and I placed some bark in the bottom of the hole, tamped in the soil and mulched with the rest of the bark sawdust mix.... I put the small branch in the ground and connected tree and grandmother branch to each other with the red cord..I blessed the new planting... and as I finished, I heard crows cawing in the old pine tree..
It is done

thankyou Janeena xo

Farewell, to a Grand Old Dame.....

Today a grand old dame was cut down in the mountains.
A eucalypt [or angophora or some other native] at least 300 years old [according to a survey a few years ago] was chopped down to make way for the highway.

Where once was a meandering road taking people to the healing energy of the upper mountains, now, under construction, there is a 4 lane monster concrete serpent whisking the tourists up as if they are in a race.

Where once they would leave their busy-ness behind as they drove up through the quaint villages, taking deep breaths as they meandered up the hill,  they now get here so fast there is no time to even begin to calm down before they are here. in a blink of an eye.

This beautiful old tree had been a sentinel for as long as I can remember, she gave me a sense of security, somehow. Her presences said 'all is ok with the world'. Her trunk would take two people to hug, her branches stretching out to the heavens, her white flowers perfuming in spring, supplying bees with food and birds with shelter..... and now she has been reduced to a pile of sawdust and bark chips. The perpetrators didn't even leave evidence of trunk or branches, whisked them away quickly so that most of the general public didn't see them.. out of sight, out of mind. there is a gap in the landscape now.

And for what. No one seems to have noticed. Maybe it happens so often now that we are all becoming blasé, immune to destruction of our trees. Murder. I can feel her pain, my heart weeps

Years ago, I remember some old plane trees being chopped down in Faulconbridge and locals had a candle light vigil for them. I remember driving past and seeing a crowd of people sitting with the remains of the trees, the ground dotted with paper lanterns with tealights burning. that was a sacred moment.

I drove down to where this tree once stood hoping that there may have been someone there, to sit with, to grieve with but no. Just darkness and a pile of wood chips. I couldn't even light my candle tonight as the traffic whizzed past oblivious to the destruction that had gone on. I wondered if the tree shrieked in pain. No anaesthetic to numb the pain. I wondered about the divas and elementals who were attached to this tree. Where do they go now. Are they homeless? Do we have a responsibility to them or are they just stuff of the alternate people, the  hippies, the tree-huggers?

Tomorrow I am going down again and will take a candle, some incense and some spikenard to anoint the ground in thanks. I will bury a clay healing disc where she once lived.

Bless you dear Bullaburra grandmother tree,  thankyou for all you have done and may your wisdom live on in us.
May your wisdom show us the stupidity of our ways.
Namaste.

a journey begun..

today, I begin a 13 month journey through the Wheel of the Year in the Southern Hemisphere.. a dedicated journey for myself.. where I will observe my garden and surroundings and how the seasons affect my journey.. this month, I journey towards Samhain..

the online course gives us 'lessons' once a month.. and to begin with we are asked to do blessings and consecration of self, every morning by smudging ourselves after our shower, with sage and lavender.. and as I did this for the first time, thoughts were going around in my head of how I felt as if I were being purified, cleansed, while the sage smoke spiralled around me.. as this cleansed me, it seemed to bring up deep realizations. One being that  I have 'verbally abused' my self for a long time.. abusing this Divine temple that my soul dwells in while on Earth, by allowing others to treat me less than I am.. a Divine being... but most importantly and even more sadly is that I have abused myself.. with thoughts of not being good enough or not as good or worthy as others, less than.....constantly criticising myself whether it is that I am fat, crooked teeth, hair too straight, or emotions of annoyance and intolerance of myself and others and guilt, oh how that is an abusive emotion.

.. and as the sage, cleansed through my auric body, I knew then, that i must stop this abuse of self, this lack of love for myself.. .. ...to find forgiveness and acceptance of self. it doesn't happen every single minute.. but when it does, when that thought slips in that is negative towards self, I am sure it is like a dagger going into my heart. Point taken. thankyou God.

 and my thoughts wandered as they do..  while scrubbing the bath this morning..weaving in and out.. stories and ideas, thoughts of how to begin to really nurture myself.. my soul, my inner child, in my everyday life....
 [I scrub my bathroom, with gratitude and blessings, because I am trying to do everything in my life with gratitude and blessings.. it was something I did automatically once, and stopped when I went through what I call my 'breakdown'..and I want to begin that beautiful, divine way of living, once more. Of gratitude and blessings for every single moment of my life.]

I know I must begin to nurture and treat myself with love.. a beautiful rose from my garden, some candles lit while I have a bath.. this one thing will begin to show me that I am loved and that I appreciate myself. looking in the mirror and saying to myself the words : I Love You.. difficult, but a must. body lotion to caress the temple that is my body. lots of water and good, wholesome food cooked with love....

the retreat on the weekend was wonderful. very deeply healing. alot of tears. alot of facing self and fears. alot of letting go. we spent time in the bush near a pond where frogs serenaded us with song..

I danced with trees

and reconnected with bottlebrush and flannel flower faeries.
I sat under an old peppercorn tree and told her my story.. I was welcomed back into that world by many of the Divas and Elementals.. they remembered me.. they remembered me as a little girl and memories came flooding back.. of many a time spent with them in the garden and bushland. of collecting acorns and making houses for the faeries. I also remembered being told that all of this was in my head.. and the faeries vanished. it broke my heart.. and I have searched for them ever since... and this weekend, I saw peeks of them through the trees..

We were fed delicious food cooked by Jacqui Bushell and had sound healings with frame drums played by Jane Elworthy - both of whom have come into my life for a very good reason.. one being that they are Magdalenes as well. just like me.
I met other women on a healing path and they sat with me as I cried, honouring that space.. I was anointed with Spikenard oil and had the privilege of anointing another in such a Sacred space. it was beautiful, Divine ceremony of anointing.. we sat in each others presence for some time. just being.
at one time, during the weekend, I wanted to go home, I wanted to pack my bags and run.. but I am so pleased with myself that I persevered through the pain, because I am clearing so much - past lives and ancestral healing. In the next few weeks, I hope to visit with my great grandmother Laura where she is buried in Rookwood.. to sit with her and talk to her.

The journey through the Wheel of the Year has me changing my altar to reflect this season of Samhain, as we and Earth travel inward..

this month, I journey with sage and lavender.. I think I might make a sacred garden some where, with each of these plants..

I travel with the Morrigan, the Celtic Goddess of death.. the raven [I think I am going to add the Currawong to my journey as at the moment in my garden, the currawongs sing to me every morning, early, while I sit in prayer]. I still have snake as a power animal at the moment.. but Bear has also joined the entourage. both very powerful animal healers.
In my garden at the moment, the dutch medlar is bearing fruit. I still have a couple of apples on the tree and already early daffodils are starting to poke their leaves up. the days are cool-ish.. and I can definitely feel autumn in the air.