the beginning of May ~ reflections of the Dark Moon

this month in the online study workshop, we are focusing on the element of fire..

May 2
It is quite cool outside so I really hope that this is a beginning of winter

Last night I went to a brilliant Samhain ritual and walked a labyrinth at the college where I study Shamanic healing. I woke feeling flat and empty and I don't know why but there was alot of energy moved so maybe it is all just readjusting. In the meditation last night, Hekate met me at the crossroads and gave me a lantern.. as I was stepping over a threshold, a wolf came to my side to accompany me on my journey.
I am healing so much ancestral stuff that is why I feel overwhelmed at times. I need to sit and talk to them. They are so grateful for what I am doing to heal the ancestral line, I carry their tears of persecution and I must release and what a perfect time to release the past.. Samhain & Dark Moon

May 3
I decide to change back to my preferred oils of sandalwood and spikenard for anointing. I love spikenard. I use this on my brow charka and my throat and I put sandalwood on the back of my neck. These oils suit my soul much more than the lavender as they hark back to many past lives.
I go to my Benedictine group and as I sit in the garden for our reflective time, the wind whips up and the remaining leaves on the trees, rattle, sounding very similar to the sound of a shamanic rattle.
Later that night, as we head towards the true moment of Samhain, I feel empty, melancholy, lonely even. The wind whips around outside as I sit and journal. This season is certainly bringing up alot of things to be healed and let go of. I ponder of letting go of sadness and melancholy [not sure how to do that though, as it is part of my very soul].. but I realize these emotions are actually part of the healing process and it is ok to feel them, actually it is very important to allow myself to feel them.

May 4
Cool windy morning and as I walked towards my apple tree I saw a carpet of leaves where I stand each morning to say my blessings and prayers.
Although I honoured Samhain on the traditional date, my observances of this cross quarter/sabbat continues and tomorrow is the true moment ( this Year). I see that the weather is indeed leaning more towards Samhain, cool, fresh and windy with leaves falling. I like it.
Joe and I went to springwood cemetery to put some pebbles on his mums’ grave and I spent some time gathering kindling for our fire. This is something I use to do often in past years and I think I will take up that task again, wandering, gathering sticks in perfect peace, and contemplating. It became a meditative walk.
We also went to Springwood hospital fete where I bought some chicory, aloe Vera and Agave plants.

today, I started my sacred circle. I chose a space under the apple tree because this is where I go every morning to greet the day, say my blessings and ask for guidance. It is near to my chooks and hidden from my neighbour Billie.. as nice as she is, I don’t want her peering at me when I create ritual or say my prayers.

We went to our local landscape place and bought the 4 large stones for the element directions and I walked the circle out and used my pendulum to decided which rock went where.

I am one who needs to ‘feel’ where the elements are placed and although my directions aren’t the same as most, this is what I do:

North - summer – fire – summer solstice
Lammas
West - earth – autumn – autumn equinox - Mabon
Samhain
South - winter – wind – winter solstice
Imbolc
East - water – spring – spring equinox – Ostara
Beltane

North of where I live, is the heat.. and from the South come our southerly winds, East is of course the Pacific Ocean and in the West we have this wide brown land, stretching what seems forever.
I am still in the process at the moment of working out what I will use to represent each element.

I have been lighting a candle each night and leaving it to burn in my bedroom, the flickering at first was disturbing, but now I am finding it quite comforting. I visualize all that is not needed being burned away overnight.

May 5
at the beginning of this month, I had a panic attack because I wasn't sure how I could embrace the months assignment [from my online course], as much as I had in April but once I started to create my stone circle and find things to decorate, I felt my passion and peace return.

I had some shells that I had gathered at the beach over the years and I created a wreath to represent the element of water & I also hung an old china cup in the tree

and peace flags for air.. and various other bits..

Plus I am re connecting with my wand that I made many years ago from the ancient apple tree at Inglewood. It is a piece of my life that will always be close to my heart.
Before lunch, we drove to the landscape place again and bought the rest of the stones for my circle.

 Joe and I sat out in the sun eating our lunch.
Just a simple cheese sandwich and a piece of fruit with a cup of tea to finish off. As we ate, a cacophony of cockatoos flew over screeching loudly..

We then decided to move the birdbath before we walked to the shops to buy some sweet potato for our Samhain dinner. We went for a long walk on the way to the shops, up hills and down lane ways.. a long detour, to look at our neighbouring streets and to see what others gardens were like. It is a beautiful time of year here in Katoomba.. and I can really feel the energy slowing down.. resting.. the gardens are gorgeous too.. with lots of seed heads left over from summer, to self seed next spring. Delightful!
I cooked a slow roast lamb for dinner and I really wanted to share it with others so I called some friends and I took the roast plus sweet potato dish, to their home. They cooked roast vegies and we had a meal together. Laughing and chatting about our aging selves.. planning trips to France and England.. hopefully, oneday those plans will come to fruition

May 6
I woke during the night feeling empty, lonely and lost and I wonder if it is the energy of the fire burning away what is no longer needed, leaving a void as it does for a short time. The Dark Moon always has an effect on me.. and I am also writing alot about my cancer 13 years ago.. it is carthartic and I hope to publish the story oneday.

May 7
Early morning mist and drizzle. I stand in my newly created stone circle, under the apple tree an I open my arms and greet the day. I stand for a moment or two, eyes closed and observe. Drops of water drip gently off the leaves and I feel a stillness. A quiet and I feel the Moon coming towards her darkness, slowing down. My whole self feels still and calm. I love this moment. I walk inside and 3 crows fly overhead.. maybe to remind me that I have help when I need it.
We go for a walk after dinner and I notice a strong, quiet resting presence. This Dark Moon must be a very strong one.. no human noise, nothing. Just quiet. I am planning on working with the Moon.. letting go...