June arrives & I come to a decision.. baring my soul.

I embroidered some small pieces of linen with words and hung them around my pottery water filter ~ with the intention that the qualities of these words will be infused into the water..following on from Dr. Emoto..

June 4
I spent quite a few hours in my garden today. Weeding, pruning the plum tree and mulching. I noticed that the sage that I planted for Samhain, in my wheel of the year garden is yellowing and has stopped growing. Truly going inward towards Winter Solstice. I also finally bought some alyssum seeds to plant around the sage – Alyssum being an annual for Samhain, according to my Celtic Lore.

June 5
Water is the element for this month in the online course – I can feel the energy of water in my life. June 1, it rained. And I, myself, feel as if I am being washed cleaned.
I have not even looked at the notes for my 13 moon journey for June. I feel myself going inward in a huge shift. Yesterday, I had a headache all over my head. I read somewhere that there are a lot of solar flares happening and this could be causing them. I feel myself, shedding.. like my snake totem animal [must remember to ask for help from snake when I need it].. I am shedding my beliefs and changing or morphing. I know now, that I am not a Christian, but still love some of the ancient traditions of the catholic church and would still defend that. I still feel a very strong connection to the christian mystics and Mary.
I know now, that I don’t need to go to church to be able to have the Marys in my life. I am embracing my witch and pagan self more each day and feel at ease with this.
I have also realized that to bond with my new home, I must slow down. This means for me, actually cancelling my gym membership and spending time walking in the gorgeous bush near my home, sitting journaling in the cave and taking my drum and drumming somewhere surrounded by trees and rocks.
This morning while in the shower [water again], I was thinking about the ever elusive life purpose that so many talk about.. and I came to an understanding that I am to heal myself.. by what I am doing … ritual, journaling, art, garden and workshops for self. I am to learn to love, honour and nurture myself and in doing that, I will heal..and as I heal, I help heal the world. In a big way, vibrationally.

I created an altar in my bathroom for a water ritual each morning

June 6
I bought some beeswax today to anoint my wand. I made this wand a few years ago from the wood of the apple tree in Woodford and as I was anointing this wand, I felt that I must let this go. I must create a new wand, for the new emerging me, the new home in Katoomba and let the old one go.
So this weekend, I plan to create a new wand and bless it with water from chalice well. And a new crystal will be found. I may even use a rock from Cornwall as well.
[I ended up starting the wand today. I went to find a branch to cut on the apple tree and asked permission to take a piece. Cutting the branch into a wand and then trying to sand it proved difficult on green wood, so I found a branch from a pruning of the apple or plum tree from last year. I am not sure which tree but it doesn’t matter as I will create another wand from the piece I cut. I sanded and chiselled and smoothed the bark and then went to my shamanic class

June 7
This morning I had my shower, did my blessings and asked Le Fay [my chosen Water Goddess], and the water spirits to help me release negative past emotions within and to help me heal the grief that I hold within from past conditioning and past lives.. and then I blessed my new wand and anointed it with sacred oils of spikenard and sandalwood, I cleansed it with sage and then I anointed it with beeswax.
Driving down through Leura Cascades, I see early flowering wattle, bare European trees and the lushness of rain forest in winter among the tall mountain ash forest.

I just cannot believe how easily it has been for me to let go of the Christian conditioning from childhood, since I made the commitment a month ago. When I sat and thought about what it was that kept me clinging to the Catholic Church I realized it was just the ritual and ceremony and that is what helped me to drop the last thread and feel comfortable with it.
Dark moon and I am feeling as if I am in the verge of something but have no idea what.

June 9
I woke this morning thinking of the cyclamen that are available in the nurseries and florists at the moment and it took me back to my time in Cornwall, of cyclamens, poinsettia and Yuletide trees side by side for sale for the season of Christmas . I must admit that I do struggle with the seasons here. Even though born and bred in Australia, my deep memories are of the northern hemisphere seasons.
I attended a workshop based around the Greek Goddess Hestia.. of the Hearth.. [Cerridwen could be the Celtic equivalent].. we created a clay hearth Goddess and mine has a Celtic feel about her.. so she will go on an altar for Cerridwen.

June 10
A beautiful new moon morning, woken by bird call. The magpies and twittering of smaller birds and a bird call that I could not place. The cold winter sky is blue with a splattering of clouds. A heavy dew lies upon the earth.
it's time to gather and bring towards you the things/people/ideas you want to encourage in your life. It's also a good time to plant those vegetables that grow above the ground!
I write down a list of things that I wish to gather to manifest for this time.. I light a candle and ask Cerridwen to help me with what I wish to create and manifest in my life now.

In the shower this morning, I was thinking of my path, my journey and I realised that since I had begun to shed my ‘Christian cape’ of past conditionings, I feel much lighter. Even the inner loneliness has lessened and there is relief of striving to be connected to the Divine, to be good enough. I feel stronger in my self. I sprinkle the blessed jasmine water on myself as if it is Hol-ly water. [Soak Holly leaves overnight in spring water under a full moon to make your ''Holly water". sprinkle the water around your home for psychic protection and cleansing]

I had woken with a feeling of dread.. next Friday, I am suppose to have a little ceremony for me to become an Oblate candidate..I feel like a fake – so I emailed the Nuns explaining my feelings.
I think I was attracted to being an Oblate, because of my past lives in Abbeys, the same as why I became a catholic in the first place.. but last week, I realised that what attracts me to the whole thing is the ritual of it all.
After I send the email, mild panic sets in and I feel as if I am bare. a few tears as well. I see myself under a tree, sobbing, on Mother Earth asking her for guidance [because truly, I have no idea what is happening to me with all of this].. it is like leaf, by leaf I am being made bare and it is scary stuff. But I must sit with it. Allow.
I begin to plan the Well that I am going to build in my garden. A Holy Well for Brighid.