taking a leap.. jumping in

once upon a time
women were content to stay at home. I was and still am, but there is an underlying call to do something else. Like a purpose or mission that I haven't found yet. or rather, that hasn't come to me yet

don't get me wrong. My home, garden and Joe are still very important to me. One of my collective passions really, just like my spiritual life is.. but there is something more that i must do and I don't know what

funny how things eventuate in life.. last week, I was in bed with a coughing fit, my body was aching and it seemed like I was detoxing.

I started to look at short workshops in various places, but it seemed as if I were just playing. I talked it over with Joe and he said that I needed something to sink my teeth into...

and there it was, staring me in the face.. a Shamanic Healing Practices year long course... and of course the excuses started coming.. thick and fast.. [how will I be able to do this course and still keep house and do my garden..[which is totally irrational as this course is only one night a week]
or 'study? why do you want to study.. stay safe.. don't do it' whispered my ego who really does like to keep me safe. too safe]

and fear.. fear of commitment and change

I felt that I was on the verge of something very exciting but was too afraid to jump!!

I asked for a sign from the Universe .. and of course, I got three.. all different, but all telling me to jump, take a leap.. of faith.

and then, jump I did and called the college yesterday and booked in.. does this make me a Shaman?
'no' said someone.. that takes years of study or it must be handed down through the ancestral line [how does one do that when one has lived in fear of persecution from Christians like my great grandmother did.. she was a witch and most probably a shaman but had to force it down and hide it in fear of being drowned or burnt at the stake, I am sure, so she couldn't have told a soul to hand it down]...but I will get tools for self healing and healing others.. and as one wise woman said to me yesterday 'don't ever let anyone tell you that you are not a Shaman or a witch.. you are on the brink of something huge' - so I am going to take this and I am going to unleash my inner Shaman woman to help heal myself.. and as I heal.. I heal the world.

this morning I was hanging clothes out on the line in the beautiful Australian sunshine [that was inbetween dodging the multitude of wasps that are in my plum tree at the moment, enjoying the sweet bumper crop of plums].. and a large butterfly crossed my path. I saw if flitter by and thought how beautiful it was and sent a thankyou to the Universe..
then I went to Katoomba to buy a few things to make my Lammas dolly and on the way home, another butterfly crossed my path, this time, I stopped and took notice.. it fluttered in front of me for a few seconds then flew off on its way.. a few more steps and two white butterflies danced in front of me before fluttering off together.. Ok.. so what does butterfly mean, i thought to myself.. making a note in the head to look it up when I got home.. and just as I thought that.., two beautiful black cockatoos flew over head.. the birds that I have taken as my totem for 2013.
BUTTERFLIES:
"as the butterfly moves from one developmental stage to another, it shows trust in its ability to grow and adapt to new situations.. it shows opportunities to rebirth, grow and heal on all levels..."
BLACK COCKATOO:
"black cockatoo dreaming helps us to to grow at our own pace and learn what we need to know in our own time. She encourages us to just sit in contemplation and wait for lifes mysteries to unfold with out conciously seeking for answer"
[take from Animal Dreaming by Scott Alexander King]

so, here I am.. embarking on something huge for me.. I wonder where it will take me?