a journey begun..

today, I begin a 13 month journey through the Wheel of the Year in the Southern Hemisphere.. a dedicated journey for myself.. where I will observe my garden and surroundings and how the seasons affect my journey.. this month, I journey towards Samhain..

the online course gives us 'lessons' once a month.. and to begin with we are asked to do blessings and consecration of self, every morning by smudging ourselves after our shower, with sage and lavender.. and as I did this for the first time, thoughts were going around in my head of how I felt as if I were being purified, cleansed, while the sage smoke spiralled around me.. as this cleansed me, it seemed to bring up deep realizations. One being that  I have 'verbally abused' my self for a long time.. abusing this Divine temple that my soul dwells in while on Earth, by allowing others to treat me less than I am.. a Divine being... but most importantly and even more sadly is that I have abused myself.. with thoughts of not being good enough or not as good or worthy as others, less than.....constantly criticising myself whether it is that I am fat, crooked teeth, hair too straight, or emotions of annoyance and intolerance of myself and others and guilt, oh how that is an abusive emotion.

.. and as the sage, cleansed through my auric body, I knew then, that i must stop this abuse of self, this lack of love for myself.. .. ...to find forgiveness and acceptance of self. it doesn't happen every single minute.. but when it does, when that thought slips in that is negative towards self, I am sure it is like a dagger going into my heart. Point taken. thankyou God.

 and my thoughts wandered as they do..  while scrubbing the bath this morning..weaving in and out.. stories and ideas, thoughts of how to begin to really nurture myself.. my soul, my inner child, in my everyday life....
 [I scrub my bathroom, with gratitude and blessings, because I am trying to do everything in my life with gratitude and blessings.. it was something I did automatically once, and stopped when I went through what I call my 'breakdown'..and I want to begin that beautiful, divine way of living, once more. Of gratitude and blessings for every single moment of my life.]

I know I must begin to nurture and treat myself with love.. a beautiful rose from my garden, some candles lit while I have a bath.. this one thing will begin to show me that I am loved and that I appreciate myself. looking in the mirror and saying to myself the words : I Love You.. difficult, but a must. body lotion to caress the temple that is my body. lots of water and good, wholesome food cooked with love....

the retreat on the weekend was wonderful. very deeply healing. alot of tears. alot of facing self and fears. alot of letting go. we spent time in the bush near a pond where frogs serenaded us with song..

I danced with trees

and reconnected with bottlebrush and flannel flower faeries.
I sat under an old peppercorn tree and told her my story.. I was welcomed back into that world by many of the Divas and Elementals.. they remembered me.. they remembered me as a little girl and memories came flooding back.. of many a time spent with them in the garden and bushland. of collecting acorns and making houses for the faeries. I also remembered being told that all of this was in my head.. and the faeries vanished. it broke my heart.. and I have searched for them ever since... and this weekend, I saw peeks of them through the trees..

We were fed delicious food cooked by Jacqui Bushell and had sound healings with frame drums played by Jane Elworthy - both of whom have come into my life for a very good reason.. one being that they are Magdalenes as well. just like me.
I met other women on a healing path and they sat with me as I cried, honouring that space.. I was anointed with Spikenard oil and had the privilege of anointing another in such a Sacred space. it was beautiful, Divine ceremony of anointing.. we sat in each others presence for some time. just being.
at one time, during the weekend, I wanted to go home, I wanted to pack my bags and run.. but I am so pleased with myself that I persevered through the pain, because I am clearing so much - past lives and ancestral healing. In the next few weeks, I hope to visit with my great grandmother Laura where she is buried in Rookwood.. to sit with her and talk to her.

The journey through the Wheel of the Year has me changing my altar to reflect this season of Samhain, as we and Earth travel inward..

this month, I journey with sage and lavender.. I think I might make a sacred garden some where, with each of these plants..

I travel with the Morrigan, the Celtic Goddess of death.. the raven [I think I am going to add the Currawong to my journey as at the moment in my garden, the currawongs sing to me every morning, early, while I sit in prayer]. I still have snake as a power animal at the moment.. but Bear has also joined the entourage. both very powerful animal healers.
In my garden at the moment, the dutch medlar is bearing fruit. I still have a couple of apples on the tree and already early daffodils are starting to poke their leaves up. the days are cool-ish.. and I can definitely feel autumn in the air.